Self Love: A Plea To Accept All Parts of Yourself
All of You Deserves Everything
In case you're new here, my name is Kasey David, LCSW, and I am a therapist. I specialize in the treatment of Anxiety Disorders for women of color at Culture of Therapy Wellness Group. I write these articles for anyone interested in a therapist's take on mental health and wellness.
Hey there, Friend.
It's February.
The novelty of the new year has worn off. Our friends are starting to show their progress pictures and we're being sucked into the oblivion of lace, chocolate, and red.
There's a lot to acknowledge this February. Black History. Taxes. Education. Healthcare. Pandemic. Valentine's Day. And at least 27 other holidays/events (official and unofficial).
May you find peace, safety, and comfort in all of the life happening around you right now.
Here is the theme of this article: You don't have to choose between which parts of yourself are worthy of acceptance, attention, visibility, respect, time, or love. They also don't need to be limited to one month of the year. You can make it a practice of tending to all parts of yourself—even the parts that aren't so lovable, all year round.
Loving all parts of yourself, as an act of self-compassion, is a radical act. In a time where acknowledging the uglier parts of ourselves can mean social shame and disconnection, be a rebel and a trendsetter.
There is an emphasis this month on making a very visible (and sometimes expensive) stance toward love. It's appetizing. It's pretty. It's special. It's socially sanctioned. Buy this. Say this. Book that. I'm not trying to rob you of any special traditions or designated days you show love to yourself and others. Please, indulge. I am also saying, please, please, please, make it an everyday habit of applying the same lenses, attitudes, and traditions you have in February, throughout the rest of the year.
On an outward, visible, manner, tend all parts of yourself. In an inward, powerful, and less visible manner, tend to all parts of yourself. Make space for the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Being accepting of all parts of ourselves means learning to embrace all of our qualities (positive, negative, and neutral), experiences, temperaments, strengths, shortcomings, the unknown, the well known, the sticky, and the vulnerabilities inherent in the human experience.
When commercially exploited, the words "self-love" can engender the idea that you are meant to spend money and feel an intoxicating bouquet of love.
I'm not against getting your sweet tooth satisfied. I invite you to scheme, as I do most of the time, and satisfy other unmet needs you may have.
Maybe you would like to say no without giving explanations.
Maybe you would like to trust your ability to handle a more significant project line at work.
Maybe you would like to request more contributions from the other members of the household.
Being more inclusive of all of your needs and experiences might sound like:
"I'm not going to try and satisfy rules and equations of deservedness in my head. If it works for me, I'll make it a priority."
"I don't have to prove to anyone that I'm tired. I'm going to stop now."
"No is a complete sentence."
"I believe you are trying your best and I still need us to come to an agreement on the issue."
Set your intentions.
"I can learn to trust myself and find the safety within me."
"I can begin to allow the underrepresented parts of my experience to have a stronger voice."
"Making space for all parts of myself allows me to be generate feelings of safety and security."
Getting started with any new practice by setting one intention, is more important than being an expert.
How do you practice embracing all parts of yourself?
In my initial assessments with clients, I go over a section that I call "the brag box". I ask clients to tell me what makes them happy, what they are good at, strengths, hobbies, accomplishments, things they spend a lot of time doing, things they are proud of....I invite them to share those parts of themselves with me.
When we are trying to live a full, varied, life, it is important to make space for and honor all parts of ourselves. Making space more parts of yourself can be like visualizing a cookie.
The first cookie that comes to your mind might have been something warm and familiar, homemade, soft, and chewy. It has a certain texture to it that you know well. Now, envision other qualities about that cookie, or another cookie you'd like to try. This cookie might be one you didn't have to spent an hour making yourself. A store-bought cookie. This cookie may have a crunchier texture, include nuts, best consumed with a beverage (I like apple juice).
There is no such thing as a bad cookie, unless said cookie has tried to choke you. Then, we envision pie or something else instead.
Point being, humans, like cookies, exist in a multi-dimensional way. Being willing to experience all of the qualities (texture, taste, smell, size, occasion, quantity consumed, etc.) of your life cookies, will allow you to experience the fullness of what cookies have to offer. If you limit yourself and only focus on a few qualities (like whether or not a cookie looks appetizing), you may not experience the fullness, richness, or abundance you were meant to.
We only have one go-around on this globe. You want the warmest, most inviting, sensual, loving, experience you can foster. Don't short yourself. Eat a variety of cookies!
Embrace the variety of your life, experiences, and qualities.
Your computer browser isn't the only one who wants you to accept all the cookies.
In honor of the Random Acts of Kindness Day, on February 17, please accept two recipes! Actually, I only made the first recipe. The second belongs to Nestle Tollhouse, but that is neither here nor there.
Please take these recipes and receive them with all the love that you can.
Practice Place
Here is where we put pen to paper and practice the concepts we talk about.
Practice tending to one part of yourself that doesn't get as much love, attention, or acceptance as the other parts.
Create your own Self-Love Recipe. Get creative!
Create your own recipe with individual ingredients for self-love this week.
Write out 3 ways you can apply one or two ingredients, daily.
Download the blank recipe card and save for future use.
